75 Hilarious Basketball Puns and Jokes That Don’t Suck

Whether it is about food establishments, animals, or basketball courts – or even a joke about Cinderella and her basketball talent or lack thereof – there are several ways to make fun of the game of basketball.

Anyone who is interested in basketball will enjoy these hilarious puns and one liner jokes. All in all, if you love dad jokes and funny jokes involving Tim Duncan, Scottie Pippen, and Tacko Fall, then this is the list for you:

1. Where is a basketball player’s favorite place to eat?

Dunkin’ Donuts.

2. They always asked me if I played basketball because I was tall.

They stopped asking me that when I asked them if they play mini-golf.

3. Why can’t basketball players go on vacation?

They are not allowed to travel.

4. What do an angry bunny and a pro basketball player have in common?

Mad hops.

5. What do you call a basketball player that misses dunks?

Alley Whoops.

6. What did the triangle offense say to the ball?

You’re pointless.

7. Why can’t you play basketball in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

8. If a basketball team was chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?

Five after nine.

9. Basketball sued tennis for no reason.

Now they have to go to court.

10. What do you call a pig who plays basketball?

A ball hog.

11. What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?

A tall tale.

12. Who was the poet of basketball?

Longfellow.

13. What is a pirate’s favorite basketball move?

The sky hook.

14. What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a basketball game?

Root beer!

15. Why couldn’t the basketball player listen to his music?

Because he broke a record!

16. What violation do ghosts get called for the most in basketball?

Ghoul tending.

17. My tennis career has taught me I can be the best basketball player ever.

Nothing but net.

18. Did you hear about the referee that got fired from the NBA?

Supposedly he’s a whistleblower.

19. Did you know Steven Spielberg and John Williams like to play basketball together?

He shoots, he scores.

20. I was going to pass it to you…

But the hoop was open first.

21. I couldn’t figure out why the basketball kept getting larger and larger.

Then it hit me.

22. Basketball is the only sport where the basket is filled but never gets full.

23. Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.

24. Basketball players are the most upstanding members of society.

They really are people to look up to.

25. What is a basketball player’s favorite thing about astronomy?

Shooting stars.

guy laughing at basketball pun

26. The only difference between time and a ball hog is that the former passes.

27. Why are spiders great at basketball?

Because they’re eight-footers

28. If a basketball player gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?

Missle toe.

29. Why did the basketball player visit the bank?

His checks were all bouncing.

30. What do you call a monkey that wins back to back titles?

A chimpion.

31. What would you get if you crossed a basketball with a newborn snake?

A bouncing baby boa.

32. Why did the basketball player sign up for the crafting club?

He wanted to learn how to make baskets.

33. What’s the difference between a ball hog and time?

Time passes.

34. What do you say when you miss a basket?

Shoot!

35. Why were the basketball team’s jersey’s so full of static?

The team was out of Bounce.

36. Our basketball coach loves dogs.

He has three-pointers.

37. Basketball players stay cool in hot gyms by hanging out near the fans.

38. What do you call a bawler?

A sad basketball player.

39. There are so many bricks this must be a construction site.

40. Why does an octopus perform poorly on a basketball court?

It’s always getting tentacle fouls.

41. Why don’t fish like basketball?

They’re afraid of the nets.

42. Did you hear that the basketball coach is dressing only 7 players for the tournament?

The rest can dress themselves.

43. Did you know the name of the prequel to the best basketball movie ever?

Hoosier daddy

44. Why are cats so bad as basketball?

They shoot too many hair balls.

45. Where do players take their dates to party after the game?

To the basket ball.

46. Why aren’t birds allowed to play basketball?

They commit too many fowls

47. Why do retired basketball players open a brewery?

Because they’ve got hops

48. My buddy opened a tavern for basketball players, and there are already imitators.

Good thing he set the bar so high.

49. Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.

50. What does a hunter do with a basketball?

He shoots it.

funny laugh basketball

51. What do you call a basketball team that cries after they lose the game?

A bawl club

52. What do basketball players call the first meal of the day?

Fast breaks.

53. Why are college basketball players so excited to make it to the last hole in golf?

They love the final fore.

54. A fantasy TV show about basketball is called what?

Hooper-natural.

55. Why did the nose not make the basketball team?

Didn’t get picked.

56. For what reason do basketball players love cookies?

They can dunk them.

57. Which animal is best at basketball?

A score-pion.

58. What do you do when you see an elephant with a basketball?

Get out of its way.

59. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?

Swiss!

Let’s continue the list with some other fantastic jokes about the Toronto Raptors, Chicago Bulls, and Shaquille O’Neal. Here are some very entertaining team-specific and player-specific puns and one liners:

60. Toronto missed out on an opportunity to call their basketball team the Torontosaurus Rexes.

61. What do you call a dozen millionaires watching the playoffs on TV?

The Minnesota Timberwolves.

62. What do Bulls fans do after Chicago wins the championship?

Rewind.

63. Why did people in the NBA think Michael Jordan was conceited?

Because he was always putting on Airs.

64. I’ve got a great idea for an NBA-themed fast-food restaurant.

I call it Shake-Shaq.

65. If Shaquille O’Neal was a shade of blue, he would be Shaquille O’Teal.

66. What do you call a basketball player who smells really good?

Kevin Deodurant.

67. What do you call a shrimp that’s really good at basketball?

Leprawn James.

68. My father is really good at basketball.

He always told me “I have been Duncan all my life!”

69. Offensively, James Harden is outstanding. Defensively, he’s just out standing.

70. My friend Tim the basketball player is so stubborn!

He’s always doing things the Hardaway.

71. Who’s the best basketball player in a galaxy far far away?

Kobe-Wan Kenobi

72. Did you hear about the basketball player who tried to shoot hoops on a hockey rink?

Scottie Slippen

73. What did tanning cream do to a famous basketball player?

It LeBronzed James

74. What basketball player would be a great spokesperson for autumn?

Tacko Fall.

nba basketball

And finally, although the Nets have moved to Brooklyn, here is a classic NBA joke for those fans of the franchise from the state that sits on New York’s border:

75. Where do basketball players get their uniforms?

New Jersey

Photo of author

Mike Noblin

Mike has been involved with basketball for over 30 years as a player, coach, and bettor. He has a degree in Sports Psychology and enjoys following both the NBA and College Basketball on a nightly basis.